Q & A...

This post is in response to many of your questions. I've been extremely general up to this point--purposefully avoiding a self-instigated mental breakdown. I often put all the positive info. out for all to see, keeping the intricate details of the many trials that are often weighing us down "close to the chest." Struggles are just not as fun to read about, right??

In all reality, LA has been chewing us up and spitting us out!! YES--there is a lot to be said for temperate weather and the TOTAL lack of seasons and snow, but I LOVE fall colors and lots of SNOW!! YES--there is excitement on the beach, but I'm not overly anxious to live on a fault-line--5 minutes from the coast--where an earthquake could flatten our home or a Tsunami could drown us all at any time. FYI--we had 3 earthquakes just last week!! AGH! Fortunately, we only had a 4.4, but REALLY???!!! And why would a $100K home in AZ cost $750K in CA? The building materials can't be that comparitively over-inflated!

Hunter's internship sounded great, but didn't pan out as expected. So, unfortunately, things have been pretty darn tough. We've learned a lot over the past year, though. We've had some really hard weeks. However, we have had some REALLY joyous days--mostly at Disneyland :-). Poppy and Nanna Moore saved up for 2 years and took our whole extended Moore clan to Disneyland for 3 days. We rolled those tickets into annual passes. Now--a day at Disneyland only costs us gas to and from Anaheim and $14 for parking---SWEEEEEEET! Thank you Poppy and Nanna Moore! Disneyland has been our "happy place"--quite literally. We try to go as often as possible.

I've really missed my friends. Terribly.

I miss nature. I've become numb to the "buzz" of the big city. I'm a country girl through and through. I don't need fine clothes or thousands of dollars to have a good time, but I've seen how the "other side" lives now.

The church is different here, too. Wealth can really change people. Views get skewed easily. Doctrine is questionned regularly, and I feel like I have to fight for simple truths to be upheld. Fortunately, I'm not alone. Others are fighting with me. It's exhausting, though. I've really found admiration for those who don't crumble under the pressure. Yet, there are days (too many days) that I just want to give up--and MOVE!!

Regardless...the waiting game persists. May 15th is D-day for the Moores...Doom/Delight--who knows which. The Bar results should arrive mid-May. Of course, they don't actual give you a day--that's all a guessing game, too. 5 years of my life has been consumed with the "unknown". Who knows which law school we'll go to? Who knows what or where the internships will take us? Who knows when or where the new jobs will come from? Who knows where the money will appear from? So many questions--and so few answers.

We've been reading about Abraham in Gospel Doctrine, and I must admit--that guy had a LOT of faith! Faith is what keeps me alive right now. I have faith that God really does know our situation and is routing our course to greener meadows. I have faith that everything will work out. I have faith that despite the hard times--light is at the end of this very long dark tunnel. Of course, my faith has seen better days, but I'm trying my best. I really do believe the doctrine, though, and that in itself means that happiness is actually obtainable--even if it comes in the next life. Time to keep on keepin' on, right??

Mommy-ing is a struggle right now, too. With just one car (that leaves with Hunter each morning), I've had to limit my activities to the square-mile around my home. And since the majority of my days are spent walking children to and from school--very little time is left after laundry, dishes, and other cleaning is completed...especially with a very active 11 month old that is like a 3-man wrecking crew.

I know all the Mormon cliches for the gloomy attitudes that I'm expressing. "This too shall pass." "Focus on the eternal perspective." "I never said it would be easy, only that it would be worth it." "Count your many blessings." So, all of you that were thinking these things...I've already got it covered.

So--you weren't expecting the real truth, but there it is. CA is not my cup of tea. I don't know what Heavenly Father has planned for our family, but I hope I can get through this. I feel like I'm drowning already.